Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Monday, April 09, 2012
My Cancer Blog involving
Jerry Lee Willcockson,
I’m going to try and recount my story from flu to finding out that I have cancer of the brain. This really started 2 days before November 1st. And if you would like to even go back further, I myself think there were even more early warning signs. I will explain these early warning signs as I go along in this story.
First off what I think was or is an early warning sign. About mid-summer I noticed my beard was getting weird spots of white in several places. I'm 51 at this point and did not ever have that salt and pepper look at all. Is this an early warning sign? I'm not sure but to me it may have been as it looked like I did not know how to shave just the way the spots came in. Now on to November 1st 2011. Really 2 days before that I was wobbly on my feet. What I mean by this is, I noticed while walking that 2 days before I would walk and kind of sway to the left or right. This also happened the day before but was even more noticeable. Why I thought this was the Flu coming on was I was with family at Thanksgiving and thought with the kids My Nieces and Nephews perhaps this was a bug going around the schools because of the kids? November 29th
I go shopping for a few items for my Mother and I walk into the store and I went sideways really bad but still was able to shop while holding on to the cart. I got my Mom a few items and bought myself a Ribeye steak. Also I got a pork loin to make for the week as to not have to cook all week for dinner and have good left overs to eat for the week. I had the Steak that night and did not get sick but I did pass out after eating it and felt strange.
Now, November 1st. I woke up feeling very dizzy. I could hardly walk swaying side to side. I thought to myself this is the flu I was waiting for. I grabbed a few blankets and put them on the bathroom floor. It was about all the energy I had. I grabbed my cell phone and called my Mom, Who I informed the 2 days before about my wobble and told her the flu was here and set in. She told me to get some fluids and ride it out. I got very sick to the point of dry heaves and vile. I drank a little Vernors more so for flavor over throwing up vile. I was getting very heavy chills and sweating very bad as well. I was on the floor from about 10:30 am till 1:30 am December 1st. For a short while I was able to make it in my bed with my cell phone. Trying to think should I call an ambulance or a Family Member? At some point after throwing up in 2 buckets off the side of my bed I went back to the Bathroom floor. It was there about 1 am that I called my sister Joanne. She did not even recognize my voice and asked who I was. I told her it was me. She asked how will I get in I tried to tell her where I had a spare key hidden outside but she said she would now ever find it. So with here on her way, I called my Mom. I told my Mom to stay on the line as I made my way down the stairs to unlock the door. I told her that if I fell down the stairs I needed her to tell someone where I was. I made it down and back up, telling my Mom that sister would be here soon. I collapsed back on the bathroom floor as I said goodbye to my Mother. At that point my cell phone shot off somewhere and I could not find it. So now I'm lying on the floor with no clothes at all covered with a blanket and very cold will the chills.
I hear a knock at the door. It’s my Sister with my two oldest Nephews and His Girlfriend. I will say this now. I'm trying not to use names in this Blog because of Google search results, just so that is clearly stated. I was able to yell out loud enough that the door was open or maybe they just tried it and came up. Once they saw me they knew I needed an ambulance. They called but did not state it was an emergency. The ambulance took over a half hour or so to respond. I truly believe that had I not called my sister that I would have not made it more than 5 or 6 hours more before I passed over. After the ambulance responded they saw my color and knew right away I needed a I.V. to be started. My veins were very dry and they could not even start one after many try's. I was totally naked as I even took off my boxers as they were drenched in sweat. After getting the I.V. started they had to take me down the stairs by way of an emergency chair. My sister had gotten me a pair of boxers that I was able to slip on before I was transported down the steps. Once outside I was very cold and it was snowing lightly, They transferred to a mobile stretcher which was covered by a blanket so it was not getting snowed on. Once on the stretcher they moved me quickly to the ambulance which had heat lamps going strong, At that point I felt very good knowing I was warm and in the hands of paramedics and on my way to Saint Joseph’s Mercy Hospital. They did not run the lights and sirens all the way, there only at lights and crossings.
Once at St Joseph’s Mercy they rushed me into the emergency where they started running vitals and checking fluids. I was even told by a nurse they thought I was shooting up because the ambulance tech tried to put my IV’s is too high. Now they are checking me for the Flu and they find out that my Heart is in a, A vibrations. This led to getting a cat scan procedure, where they thought they saw something and this then led to getting MRI’s which showed That I had 2 brain Tumors and 1 Lung Cancer as well as 3 cancers on my kidneys. If I may I’ll take you back to the year 2006 where I was diagnosed with Melanoma skin cancer of my upper left chest. After being diagnosed with skin cancer I had this cancer removed. The VA hospital gave me a option of Chemo. But here is the kicker about that time I was in a very bad bike accident where I tore off my Nose, Knocked out 9 teeth, ripped both my lips wide open , Bite my tongue in half, and had a trach hole and I was almost dead from that. So after doing this to my Body I took the option of letting my body heal from that injurer over getting Chemo to cure the cancer that did we thought we had caught early enough.
Now we are into December 1st at St Joseph’s Mercy Hospital. I had to see a Neurosurgeon named Dr. Thomas and his team to save my life. They had to cut the tumor out of my head around the 7th of December 2011. After having the Tumor removed by Dr. Thomas and his team I was told not to move in my bed. My family was all there at t Joseph’s Mercy Hospital. While lying in bed after having the tumor removed. I could hear my brother Jeff ask if they could come and see me for a minute and the nurse said “No Not at this time” I called out to them saying I was ok but they could not hear me. For a minute I looked around my Room not wanting to move. It was in that moment that I looked over by my knees and I saw something hovering like a light not quite a shape or a person just a light like perhaps an angel or something, I could not tell what it was, but I knew it was there and I knew I was going to be ok. It hovered for maybe 1 minute less or more I could not tell as I was coming down off the drugs they used for my surgery. I was scheduled for a procedure called the Cyber Knife as this was considered a life and death situation and the VA hospital did not have me in the system for this kind of emergency. After getting that surgery I was released but had been pre-approved for Medicare because of my income.
Now the time frame is somewhere coming up on Christmas 2011. I am staying at my sister’s house in Allen Park Mi. Because of having the Cyber Knife they prescribed me lots of cancer drugs and 1 being steroids. The Steroids were prescribed to shrink the swelling on my brain but they had a nasty side effect. These steroids sent me into a manic episode and the denied any rest as my Bi-polar disorder. As my manic state set in I had some very strange experiences. I started feeling very spiritual as I did back in 2003 with my first bipolar episode. While showering at my sisters something came over me and started talking to my soul in my head. To me this was God again. God was telling me things about some pants my Mom had bought me for Christmas and showing me things in the pockets I could not know where there.
Ok now here is avery strange thing. I could not sleep for almost a month only getting 1 hour and 37 minutes a day. I was in the middle of a very bipolar episode but to me this was totaly normal. I had to be admitted to The VA Hospital in Ann Arbor Mi some thing after Christmas. My family knew I was in This Bipolar episode and let me stay home for Christmas. After getting checked in the Va Metal ward I found myself in a very strange part of the Va I did not even Know existed. It Was like a magic place and I thought I was the saviour again. Here is the kicker to this. While in this manic state, I thought that I was the one that God picked to stay behind and be tormented by Satan some I could bring everyone else home. I Told God that I would do this in my mind. Looking back on this I now know it was a Bi polar episode but I did make this pack with God so The deal still stands. I guess what Im Sayingis Im a man of my word so if this ever needed to be done still I would Honor what was said in my mind and keep this deal to get every one home.
I’m going to try and recount my story from flu to finding out that I have cancer of the brain. This really started 2 days before November 1st. And if you would like to even go back further, I myself think there were even more early warning signs. I will explain these early warning signs as I go along in this story.
First off what I think was or is an early warning sign. About mid-summer I noticed my beard was getting weird spots of white in several places. I'm 51 at this point and did not ever have that salt and pepper look at all. Is this an early warning sign? I'm not sure but to me it may have been as it looked like I did not know how to shave just the way the spots came in. Now on to November 1st 2011. Really 2 days before that I was wobbly on my feet. What I mean by this is, I noticed while walking that 2 days before I would walk and kind of sway to the left or right. This also happened the day before but was even more noticeable. Why I thought this was the Flu coming on was I was with family at Thanksgiving and thought with the kids My Nieces and Nephews perhaps this was a bug going around the schools because of the kids? November 29th
I go shopping for a few items for my Mother and I walk into the store and I went sideways really bad but still was able to shop while holding on to the cart. I got my Mom a few items and bought myself a Ribeye steak. Also I got a pork loin to make for the week as to not have to cook all week for dinner and have good left overs to eat for the week. I had the Steak that night and did not get sick but I did pass out after eating it and felt strange.
Now, November 1st. I woke up feeling very dizzy. I could hardly walk swaying side to side. I thought to myself this is the flu I was waiting for. I grabbed a few blankets and put them on the bathroom floor. It was about all the energy I had. I grabbed my cell phone and called my Mom, Who I informed the 2 days before about my wobble and told her the flu was here and set in. She told me to get some fluids and ride it out. I got very sick to the point of dry heaves and vile. I drank a little Vernors more so for flavor over throwing up vile. I was getting very heavy chills and sweating very bad as well. I was on the floor from about 10:30 am till 1:30 am December 1st. For a short while I was able to make it in my bed with my cell phone. Trying to think should I call an ambulance or a Family Member? At some point after throwing up in 2 buckets off the side of my bed I went back to the Bathroom floor. It was there about 1 am that I called my sister Joanne. She did not even recognize my voice and asked who I was. I told her it was me. She asked how will I get in I tried to tell her where I had a spare key hidden outside but she said she would now ever find it. So with here on her way, I called my Mom. I told my Mom to stay on the line as I made my way down the stairs to unlock the door. I told her that if I fell down the stairs I needed her to tell someone where I was. I made it down and back up, telling my Mom that sister would be here soon. I collapsed back on the bathroom floor as I said goodbye to my Mother. At that point my cell phone shot off somewhere and I could not find it. So now I'm lying on the floor with no clothes at all covered with a blanket and very cold will the chills.
I hear a knock at the door. It’s my Sister with my two oldest Nephews and His Girlfriend. I will say this now. I'm trying not to use names in this Blog because of Google search results, just so that is clearly stated. I was able to yell out loud enough that the door was open or maybe they just tried it and came up. Once they saw me they knew I needed an ambulance. They called but did not state it was an emergency. The ambulance took over a half hour or so to respond. I truly believe that had I not called my sister that I would have not made it more than 5 or 6 hours more before I passed over. After the ambulance responded they saw my color and knew right away I needed a I.V. to be started. My veins were very dry and they could not even start one after many try's. I was totally naked as I even took off my boxers as they were drenched in sweat. After getting the I.V. started they had to take me down the stairs by way of an emergency chair. My sister had gotten me a pair of boxers that I was able to slip on before I was transported down the steps. Once outside I was very cold and it was snowing lightly, They transferred to a mobile stretcher which was covered by a blanket so it was not getting snowed on. Once on the stretcher they moved me quickly to the ambulance which had heat lamps going strong, At that point I felt very good knowing I was warm and in the hands of paramedics and on my way to Saint Joseph’s Mercy Hospital. They did not run the lights and sirens all the way, there only at lights and crossings.
Once at St Joseph’s Mercy they rushed me into the emergency where they started running vitals and checking fluids. I was even told by a nurse they thought I was shooting up because the ambulance tech tried to put my IV’s is too high. Now they are checking me for the Flu and they find out that my Heart is in a, A vibrations. This led to getting a cat scan procedure, where they thought they saw something and this then led to getting MRI’s which showed That I had 2 brain Tumors and 1 Lung Cancer as well as 3 cancers on my kidneys. If I may I’ll take you back to the year 2006 where I was diagnosed with Melanoma skin cancer of my upper left chest. After being diagnosed with skin cancer I had this cancer removed. The VA hospital gave me a option of Chemo. But here is the kicker about that time I was in a very bad bike accident where I tore off my Nose, Knocked out 9 teeth, ripped both my lips wide open , Bite my tongue in half, and had a trach hole and I was almost dead from that. So after doing this to my Body I took the option of letting my body heal from that injurer over getting Chemo to cure the cancer that did we thought we had caught early enough.
Now we are into December 1st at St Joseph’s Mercy Hospital. I had to see a Neurosurgeon named Dr. Thomas and his team to save my life. They had to cut the tumor out of my head around the 7th of December 2011. After having the Tumor removed by Dr. Thomas and his team I was told not to move in my bed. My family was all there at t Joseph’s Mercy Hospital. While lying in bed after having the tumor removed. I could hear my brother Jeff ask if they could come and see me for a minute and the nurse said “No Not at this time” I called out to them saying I was ok but they could not hear me. For a minute I looked around my Room not wanting to move. It was in that moment that I looked over by my knees and I saw something hovering like a light not quite a shape or a person just a light like perhaps an angel or something, I could not tell what it was, but I knew it was there and I knew I was going to be ok. It hovered for maybe 1 minute less or more I could not tell as I was coming down off the drugs they used for my surgery. I was scheduled for a procedure called the Cyber Knife as this was considered a life and death situation and the VA hospital did not have me in the system for this kind of emergency. After getting that surgery I was released but had been pre-approved for Medicare because of my income.
Now the time frame is somewhere coming up on Christmas 2011. I am staying at my sister’s house in Allen Park Mi. Because of having the Cyber Knife they prescribed me lots of cancer drugs and 1 being steroids. The Steroids were prescribed to shrink the swelling on my brain but they had a nasty side effect. These steroids sent me into a manic episode and the denied any rest as my Bi-polar disorder. As my manic state set in I had some very strange experiences. I started feeling very spiritual as I did back in 2003 with my first bipolar episode. While showering at my sisters something came over me and started talking to my soul in my head. To me this was God again. God was telling me things about some pants my Mom had bought me for Christmas and showing me things in the pockets I could not know where there.
Ok now here is avery strange thing. I could not sleep for almost a month only getting 1 hour and 37 minutes a day. I was in the middle of a very bipolar episode but to me this was totaly normal. I had to be admitted to The VA Hospital in Ann Arbor Mi some thing after Christmas. My family knew I was in This Bipolar episode and let me stay home for Christmas. After getting checked in the Va Metal ward I found myself in a very strange part of the Va I did not even Know existed. It Was like a magic place and I thought I was the saviour again. Here is the kicker to this. While in this manic state, I thought that I was the one that God picked to stay behind and be tormented by Satan some I could bring everyone else home. I Told God that I would do this in my mind. Looking back on this I now know it was a Bi polar episode but I did make this pack with God so The deal still stands. I guess what Im Sayingis Im a man of my word so if this ever needed to be done still I would Honor what was said in my mind and keep this deal to get every one home.
Cancer
I have Melanoma Cancer in my Body.Im going to try and tell me story on this blog. I have only one thing to give. A song I wrote and own the copy rights to. It's Titled "Marra Wanna Be Like Me". I have it on Itunes and Im looking for support of this song so I can get me life back. If you can help please contact me at Jerry.willcockson@gmail.com. Here is the link to that song. Ill write more about this soon. Plaese support me if you can and help get my story out.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
Sponsor Tune "If I see you in the bar tonight"
Since re-recording "Marra wanna be like me", I have been offered more studio time in the form of a cash donation. The sponsor has always liked my Demo stuff and after hearing "Marra wanna be like me" he offered to sponsor a song.
I told him he could pick the song. He really liked "If I see you in the bar tonight" from the start. He said he did not want to bring back any emotions from that song as he knows what the tune is about and who. I explained that these tunes even though, about love weren't meant to ever have a secondary meaning such as, trying to twist someones emotions with words and perhaps win them back. They are just feelings put to music.
I have been playing the song some what to get the feel of playing it again. Today I played it over and over and realized that I did not think about the person I wrote it about through couple of the practice runs. I am enjoying the emotion of this song once more that I wrote back in 2004.
I told him he could pick the song. He really liked "If I see you in the bar tonight" from the start. He said he did not want to bring back any emotions from that song as he knows what the tune is about and who. I explained that these tunes even though, about love weren't meant to ever have a secondary meaning such as, trying to twist someones emotions with words and perhaps win them back. They are just feelings put to music.
I have been playing the song some what to get the feel of playing it again. Today I played it over and over and realized that I did not think about the person I wrote it about through couple of the practice runs. I am enjoying the emotion of this song once more that I wrote back in 2004.
Monday, January 04, 2010
Dreams.....
Last night I had a dream. A dream about a lost love. The one from the story in 2005.
Recently we had made contact again for the first time since this all happened to me.
I had not ever really kept up on her though I have heard bits and pieces about her life over the years. She has haunted my dreams ever since this event took place and we parted ways. I would dream of her often she would not ever talk to me or even look at me in the dreams. It bothered me so.
Last night, was the first night I dreamed of her and she talked to me. I couldn't really remember allot about the dream except that she said "I would like to talk to you tomorrow".
Today in real life I went to where we both worked and met each other. I didn't know if she would be working but I knew that she still works there. She was there. We exchanged a few words to each other. Was nice to be able to look into her eyes again for the first time in a long time. A little awkward yes but a start to a new beginning just as friends only.
I know for sure that we will not ever be together again. It wasn't meant or intended to win her back or anything along those lines of thought. It was the simple impulse of the dream that guided me to take this action today. I still have very strong feelings for her.
So I guess I'll end with this. If she were to be my last love, I'd rather still be in love with her for the rest of my life than any other person. You would have to know her to feel this way.
This is a song I wrote about her.
http://www.soundclick.com/share?songid=8413816
Recently we had made contact again for the first time since this all happened to me.
I had not ever really kept up on her though I have heard bits and pieces about her life over the years. She has haunted my dreams ever since this event took place and we parted ways. I would dream of her often she would not ever talk to me or even look at me in the dreams. It bothered me so.
Last night, was the first night I dreamed of her and she talked to me. I couldn't really remember allot about the dream except that she said "I would like to talk to you tomorrow".
Today in real life I went to where we both worked and met each other. I didn't know if she would be working but I knew that she still works there. She was there. We exchanged a few words to each other. Was nice to be able to look into her eyes again for the first time in a long time. A little awkward yes but a start to a new beginning just as friends only.
I know for sure that we will not ever be together again. It wasn't meant or intended to win her back or anything along those lines of thought. It was the simple impulse of the dream that guided me to take this action today. I still have very strong feelings for her.
So I guess I'll end with this. If she were to be my last love, I'd rather still be in love with her for the rest of my life than any other person. You would have to know her to feel this way.
This is a song I wrote about her.
http://www.soundclick.com/share?songid=8413816
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
I did this song for my family and friends. I posted it on a site named Metafilter.
Its got alot of good artists on the site. It's nice they post comments about your work. People where saying it sounded good in a Muppets way and meaning in a good way also. So this guy outa no where emails me asking if he could do a Muppet to my song and post it? I of course said "Yes". This is his Muppet to my voice and I play all the other parts except drums which is my Cuz Jay is hitting the sticks. I tracked this for my Christmas Cd for my cards and family. This is a Bonus. I give Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas Muppet Style. Too Cool!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Its got alot of good artists on the site. It's nice they post comments about your work. People where saying it sounded good in a Muppets way and meaning in a good way also. So this guy outa no where emails me asking if he could do a Muppet to my song and post it? I of course said "Yes". This is his Muppet to my voice and I play all the other parts except drums which is my Cuz Jay is hitting the sticks. I tracked this for my Christmas Cd for my cards and family. This is a Bonus. I give Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas Muppet Style. Too Cool!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
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